Finding my Motivation again

I have been lost the last week or so, and I am slowly finding my motivation again.

It has been more and more difficult for me to stay motivated. Depression sets in and it ruins my day. Ive been unmotivated the last week or so, and when I push to get going again I get stuck.

I feel a lot better today. A friend and I went to the Oklahoma Historical Museum in downtown OKC. I went through this museum around a month ago. So there wasn’t much that was new. Accept for one new exhibit that opened. It had 50’s era living, some early wagons and such. It wasn’t as impressive as some of the other experiences that they offer. One of my favorites is the Steamboat exhibit.

The steam boat Heroine is there, or what remains of it. Which isn’t much. The large steel drive shafts, some pieces of the steam engine, and boiler. The boiler was blown apart, and you can see where it gave way and exploded. The boat was traveling up the red river with a load of commodities, headed toward’s fort Townson in southern Oklahoma. It is the oldest steam boat that has been recovered and studied by archeologists.

There is also a exhibit called “Welcome Home- Oklahoman’s and the war in Vietnam. Its a smaller showing, but does have some interesting pieces, including Native American uniforms, testimony from Oklahoma combat Veterans, metals and many other donated pieces from influential Oklahoma Warriors of the era. One thing that stood out was the Huey helicopter simulation. You sit in a seat and have a joy stick, along with a few other buttons that don’t really do much. You fly the helo to a supply drop point, and then have to make it back to the firebase that you left from. Good luck, its tough! I only attempted this first mission, because there were people waiting their turn to have a go. I crashed in a fiery ball and rolled down the side of a mountain when I ran out of fuel.

It was a good outing, and helped to get my mindset back to my mission. I have so many obstacles, that are already apparent to me. I must tell myself what I need to accomplish every day, and work towards it. If I don’t push myself I end up wasting a day and not accomplishing anything.

My last session with my therapist, I told him how I have been down recently, and cant seem to get out of my rut. He told me I should go back and read my own advice on my page. So here I am again! Refreshed and with a full tank. I am ready to start back on my journey. Sometimes we just need to be reminded what we can accomplish and what we have already done.


Author: okieschaos

I am an aspiring author, I write about my life, and the experiences that stood out to me. Afghanistan, PTSD, and how I am learning to cope with everyday issues keeps bringing me back to write more. My blog is in its infancy, but I truly believe it contains good insight. My goal is to help my family and friends better understand me. Hopefully my stories will inspire others like me, to have the courage to better themselves. I have found that writing helps me express myself, something that I struggle with in person. I hope you enjoy my writing! If you do please like, comment, and share. @okieschaos

6 thoughts on “Finding my Motivation again”

  1. Yea. The anticipation of telling my story i think, may be actually worse than letting it out. Iam ready. At this point it sure cant hurt to try and get some relief.

  2. I know what you mean. At this point in my life iam in the worst rut, depession, piece of crap feeling ive ever been. Ive been down before and attempted suicide, but i bounced back quick. The hole it wasnt my time and there is a reason iam still be here. Not this go around. Iam dragging ass, dont take joy in anything. Got to fake it when i see family. My heads all jacked. Curiosity is what is keeping me going now. Iam curious to see if i can be fixed. So thats keeping me from checking out. Oddly enough i dont want to drink or drug. Ive got to get some one on one help cause i feel like iam going to blowup if i dont really talk about shit. Ive been caring this shit for many years not talking about it. Never thought i needed to till now. After seeing the emotional devastation it caused my family with this suicide attempt. It seems like this aint reall. I never thought my plan wouldnt work. Its my mind fuck, still being alive. The shit from the past is fucking with me harder than ever. The anticipation of telling my story to someone (shrink). Idk. Iam hanging in. This may not be the kind of reply you were looking for but after reading your post i needed to write i guess. Thanks

    1. Hey thanks for replying. Are you a veteran? The va has come a long way with treatment. What state are you in? If you need to vent call
      tel:+18002738255. It’s the vet crisis hotline. They will talk about anything that is bothering you. I encourage you to go to your local va hospital if you are a veteran and seek help!

      1. Yea iam a vet. Currently getting help in okc. Its not easy though. Got some good days. Finally starting to tell my story and get this stuff out of the hole ive buried it in for 19 years. Holding onto will kill me but bringing it out and turning it into a fresh wound is kicking my butt too.

        1. Awesome! There are some great people at the OKC VA. Ive gotten treatment there and am still receiving treatment. Stick with it, it can only get better. The first month of therapy was the hardest for me. Telling a stranger my combat stories was tough at first, and bringing it all up seems to make everything worse at first. But in the long run you will feel better that you got it off of your chest. Take it all in stride and one day at a time. Good luck and Semper Fi

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