Afghan Kids have Jokes Too!

A funny story about Afghan children having some fun at a Marines expense! A small insight into the relationship between the two different cultures.

It was another scorcher in the Helmand river valley. Our patrol left the wire almost an hour ago, and traveled a few clicks (kilometers) down the MSR (Main Supply Route). The mission was to escort a civilian contractor, to a prospective bridge site, which would cross the main canal. The location was only a few of clicks from where we had landed in the middle of the night on helo’s a few months prior.

I was in the last Vic as usual, providing rear security. Brett was in the first, on the .50. Zane, and Abnet were in the trucks between us. My sector of course being the rear, made me somewhat oblivious to the scene behind me. Occasionally I would turn and look back at what was going on. The contractor, along with our Engineer Lieutenant, were standing next to the canal discussing the project. The contractor wore nice clothing, with a flack jacket and black Kevlar helmet. He also had his private security contractor with him.

The contractor was a spectacle in itself. He wore tennis shoes, and a Hawaiian style collared T-shirt, sported kakhi shorts, and Oakley sunglasses. All under his plate carrier and black high-speed Kevlar helmet, complete with a go pro. I guess he had been on the golf course when the mission had popped up. His weapon of choice was a AK with a collapsible stock. He sported a super high speed leg harness. His sidearm was almost down at his knee, I’m sure it was a .40 or .45, but I don’t recall. He walked with confidence, and authority, always on the contractors hip like a puppy seeking approval of his master.

We sat there for what seemed like hours. I’m sure it had only been 15 to 20 minutes, but it was hot sitting in our turrets. There were a dozen or so kids playfully swimming in the canal to my right, and slightly behind me, just out of view. They would holler in their native tongue at us, trying to get our attention. When we would look, they would jump off the bank into the canal. Doing flips, and cannon balls, some of them with an actual talent. Apparently I wasn’t giving them enough attention at one point. So the older boys in the group took action.

When I hadn’t been paying attention for awhile, they decided a more aggressive approach was necessary. One of the boys found a large rock and chucked it at my turret. Hitting the thick armored plating on my right side. Now I had been shot at in these turrets before. They offer great protection all the way around, and rounds hitting the armor made a specific “TING” sound when they hit the armor. Well it just so happens a rock does the same thing, and almost perfectly mimics a rifle round’s sound.

I hastily started searching for where the shot came from. I called over my radio that I had taken a pot-shot. Zane replied that he hadn’t heard the report of a rifle. After searching for awhile, I calmed down, but was still vigilant. A few minutes later it happened again! This time Zane saw the rascals throw the rock at me, letting me know over the radio. Since they had almost made me piss my pants twice now, I decided to return the favor. My turret was electric, and would move really fast with enough pressure on the joy stick.

So I swung it around really fast. When I was pointed in the culprits general direction, I half racked my 240B Medium machine gun. Never locking the bolt to the firing position, just enough to make the sound. The kids faces lit up with surprise, and they began scrambling to run! I laughed along with Zane. Of course I had no intention of firing. I just didn’t want to have the crap scared our of me like that. I’m surprised they weren’t walking on water, the way they ran.

I gently turned my turret back to the rear facing position. The kids walked back with big smiles on their faces, giggling, and talking amongst themselves. I threw them a few bottles of water in good faith. They laughed and went back to swimming. A few minutes later the contractor and his party returned to the Vic’s, and we sped off down the road, and headed for home. Never receiving any “real” contact, we made it home safe.

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Author: okieschaos

I am an aspiring author, I write about my life, and the experiences that stood out to me. Afghanistan, PTSD, and how I am learning to cope with everyday issues keeps bringing me back to write more. My blog is in its infancy, but I truly believe it contains good insight. My goal is to help my family and friends better understand me. Hopefully my stories will inspire others like me, to have the courage to better themselves. I have found that writing helps me express myself, something that I struggle with in person. I hope you enjoy my writing! If you do please like, comment, and share. @okieschaos

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